Who Should Text First After A Date?

Showing up on a first date is always the scary part, getting through it is filled with uncertainty… but not as much as communication after the date.  This can be a very unsure time; you keep checking your phone for a text… and second-guessing everything that you said during the date.

Hence, comes the million-dollar question, who should text first after a first date?

First dates can be confusing and when you really like the guy, you never want to come off as clingy. I have had my own personal share of first date’s uncertainties. I would maul over the first date and wonder if I had maybe said anything that would scare him away and wonder whether he would text and how soon he would text. Of course, as a lady, being the first to text changes the whole dynamic of being sort after and not texting at all might show that you don’t care, (even though I really did not care in some cases).

After having a fair share of my own first dates, I believe I am in a good place to give sound advice on the “Who’s the first to text” rule.  


After going on your first date and having a good time, it’s now time for that nervous moment, “Who should text after the first date?”. I have been on so many first dates and eventually learned that it DOES NOT REALLY MATTER who texts first after the first date.

There are two scenarios at the end of the date, you either want to see him again or you don’t. If I wanted to see him again, I would simply text after getting home and to thank him for a wonderful time. This way, a positive response from him would let me know if he too enjoyed the date and whether or not I would see him again. 

In the instance where I didn’t like the date, not texting him at all was a better option. It may sound impolite but this is so much better than leading him on when you are not interested in him. This is of course not the response you were expecting but truth be told, the only person who knows who should text first after the date is you. You know best how you felt about the date and whether you would like to see him a second time. If that’s the case, just text him and tell him how much of a wonderful time you had.

This will spark a conversation where you will be comfortable to ask him whether he would like to do something with you later in the week. What I would strongly advise against is texting him immediately after the date and asking him when you will go on your second date.  So, if you decide to be the first to text, first start by telling him how much of a good time you had and from this, you will know if a second date is in the horizon.

This way you will know whether he too had a great time and that will be a window of asking if he would want to go out again. If he doesn’t respond to your text, then don’t bother texting again, you do not want to come off as desperate.


After the butterflies have settled and you plucked the courage to text him first then comes another question, “how often should you text after the first date?”

Well, I don’t think it really matters how long you should wait before replying. I think it is simply polite to answer the text as soon as you see it. It is, however, important to keep him interested and show him that you are not the desperate and needy type. Since it’s still your first date, don’t pile so much pressure on yourself on how long you should wait to pick up his calls or answer his text messages.


As mentioned earlier, I would again advise against texting him “immediately” after the date and asking him for a second date.  However, when the sense of immediacy is over and you both feel comfortable texting back and forth, there’s no reason for you to not make the first move.   

Let’s go back to before the date; did you have a nice time talking to him? Did you think he was smart? Did he surprise you? Did you think of doing fun things with him? Then ask him out. Of course, there is always the fear of rejection but what if the guy has the same insecurities? He might also be afraid of making the first move but asking him out sends a clear message, that you like him and are bold enough to make the first step. There really is no harm in trying and if he actually says no then you sleep better knowing the truth and possibly move on to better pastures.

Rejection should never affect your self-esteem because he might have solid reasons for keeping his distance.  If it does not work out move on to the next first date, compatibility is also very important.

LEARN MORE: Do you want to know what makes a lasting relationship? Watch the following video where one of our relationship experts James Bauer exposes 7 special phrases that help trigger a man’s burning desire to devote himself to a woman. It’s something you can learn once and use for the rest of your life.

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