How Do I Know if My Ex Still Loves Me?

By Belinda Art

When your relationship comes to an end, you might wonder whether or not your ex still loves you… especially if you still have feelings for him.  The truth is, even with ill feelings and hurt left behind, your ex might still harbor some feelings (though they are deeply buried).  Love doesn’t easily disappear because one decides to walk away. 

If you want to get back together, there are 2 things that must happen:

  1. Both of you need to still have feelings for each other.  
  2. Not go back to “how things were” before you broke up.

RELATED:  How To Know If I Should Get Back With My Ex

If love is still present and you are both willing to make the changes, then there is a good chance.  But before moving forward, it is important to ask yourself these tough questions: “Do I really want him back?  Do I still love him?  Do I want him back because his desire for me is a reflection of my value?  Do I want him back because I can’t have him?  Do I genuinely believe he’s the right man for me?”  There is probably more than one reason why you broke up.  Do you believe you will be able to amend what was broken?  Has anything changed? 

Missing him isn’t enough for you to decide you want him back.  You need to both be realistic and objective about whether or not you will be able to fix whatever was broken.  You both need to want it.  Thinking through your head whether than your heart won’t be easy.  You need time after a breakup before you can even consider getting back together.  This is why no contact rule is important.  This will give you some space to think clearly and determine truly what is good for you.  Take at least 25 to 30 days to yourself. (For more about this, read “No Contact Rule”).

When this time is done and you are pretty sure you’d like to give your relationship another shot, then you can begin considering the signs that he still loves you.  Once you see that he still does, contact him to see if he also wants to try again. 

So, how can I tell if he still loves me?


1. Is he hot and cold?

Being hot and cold is a strong indication of emotional confusion and turmoil.  Nothing creates these emotions quite like being separated from someone who you continue to have feelings for.  

If your ex seems sweet to you one day then turns into a jerk the next, that pretty summarizes the definition of hot and cold.  In another word, confused.  When a man is truly done, he’s usually really done.  If he is everywhere emotionally, it most likely means he continues to have feelings for you (unless it’s something else personal you are not aware of).  This doesn’t necessarily mean you are both ready to get back together.  Because his emotion is up and down, he needs some time to get mentally sober and fix whatever is going on within him.  Only then he is able to fix what was wrong in your relationship.  

2. Is he is happy and excited when he sees you?

No one is ever really happy to see an ex after a bitter breakup or if you are over them. However,  if an ex still has feelings for you, he tends to light up, become warm, friendly, and even flirt.

However, this rule doesn’t apply during the no-contact period because things are still too fresh between you.  Because you won’t be able to think clearly during this period, don’t make an effort to purposely run into him.  In other words, don’t make ‘accidental’ appearances into his favorite spot just to see how he might react to you.  However, if he is genuinely happy to see you after the no contact period, then it could mean he still harbors feelings for you.

RELATED: The One Thing That Proves You’re Meant For Each Other

3. Does he show strong emotional reactions when it comes to you?

Men show indifference when their feeling of love is done.  When it appears pretty obvious he couldn’t care less about seeing you or having a conversation with you, then he’s being indifferent and you can be sure he’s lost interest.

On the other hand, if he responds to you is a bit intense, that could mean that he still loves you.  For example, if he displays anger when he finds that you have been dating another man or shows sadness because he misses you, it means he still has feelings for you.  The point is this: your ex will not act cool and collective when it comes to you.  You won’t feel as if you’ve run into a postman like you don’t mean much to him.  

4. Does he get nostalgic?

If he looks back positively on your relationship and always seems to remember the good times, he might be putting more weight on the positives than the negatives.  This is a sign that he still loves you.  Focusing on the good and not holding onto any resentment or pain means your relationship isn’t completely lost because he sees a positive point from which to start again.  

How could you be sure if this is the case?  It could be a post of pictures he loved or thought memorable on his social media.  Perhaps he could text you something that reminded him of you.  Sometimes it could simply be his warm voice and how he looks at you when you see him.  These things are clear evidence that he still has feelings for you and is not over you.   

5. Does he try to get your attention?

This is the irony that seems to be true in many cases.  He will do strange things in hopes to get your attention.  He may post photos of him with other women and buddies having a great time.  He may even post emotional quotes to hint at what he’s going through emotionally.  

Though this might seem to provoke a negative reaction in you, that’s really not his intention.  He is basically doing these things to get your attention so he could feel some sort of connection with you from you noticing him.  

Furthermore, he might suddenly start to appear wherever you are.  Do you run into him at the local grocery store where you usually go when he never did?  Do you see him at your fitness center where you workout when you clearly know he doesn’t like working out?  If you see him in many places all of a sudden (especially those places you know he doesn’t normally visit), that means he desires to see you.  He is seeking your attention.  Wanting to see you and seeking attention means this:  He is not over you. 

RELATED: When Your Ex Understands This, Everything Changes

6. Does it look like he’s rebounding hard?

A classic way to avoid the hurt is rebounding.  We may all be guilty of this to some degree.  Because this part of human behavior stems from deep emotion, it can be difficult to determine the true motive behind the scene. But what’s true for the most part is this:

If he spends most of his time with someone new, he is able to prevent himself from constantly thinking of you.  He is reaching out to receive warmth and intimacy from someone else so he won’t have to miss you as much.  Meeting and dating multiple women and even getting a new girlfriend in record time means 2 things.  He’s either trying to make you jealous or keep you out of his mind.  Either way, they both tell you that he still has feelings for you. 

When he does this, he needs some time.  He may just need to work through this himself to see what he has lost.  Your takeaway from this is… if you see him behaving this way, it most likely means he still loves you, so if you want to get back together, you have a good chance.    

7. Has he been single for a while?

Loves Me

On the contrary, there are types of men when still love someone, would avoid dating anyone new for a while.  There are various reasons for this.  Perhaps he’s bit more of introvert and collective, who needs time to himself to recover from the hurt.  It could also be that he is overwhelmed by sad emotion and doesn’t believe he will find anyone like you.  Also, he may be worried by dating others, it will reduce his chance of getting back together with you.  In any case, it’s most likely he still holds feelings for you.

8. Does he drunk dial you?

Alcohol has a way of lowering inhibitions and bringing out our emotions.  If he reaches out when he’s drunk, that’s because he’s carried by his desire to turn to you when emotions take over.  All this to say – he still has feelings for you.

Now, take note if you know that he drinks too much.  If he’s alcohol dependent and is presently drinking away, he’s not ready to be in any relationship.  However, if he is not an alcoholic and this is followed by your breakup, he may be dealing with it with alcohol as a means to escape.     

9. Does he contact you often?   

If a guy you broke up with makes many excuses to reach out to you, that means he wants to share his thoughts and experiences with you as he did when you were together.  This could be him asking you questions or sending you links to an article or a song… etc.  He could also be contacting you because he has good news or bad news.  This is because he misses you and misses the way he connected with you.  If a man is indifferent, he would not reach out this way. There is a chance of fixing what was broken between you if you ever got back together.   

10. Does he touch you gently?

Here is an obvious sign that he still has feelings for you.  When you happen to see him, does he put his hand on your lower back or shoulder?  Does he hold your hand and squeeze it gently?  These are signs that he wants you to know that he still cares for you… because he does.  

If he was truly over you, his body language would considerably be stiff and not too inviting.  There would be no reason to try to get close to you and touch you.  However, if he’s simply trying to make sexual advances, you will know.  You will sense an inappropriate approach and not affection and caring.  That’s not where you want to be with him at this point. 

If he touches you with care and warmth, it will make you feel loved.  He would approach you this way because he misses you and wants you back.

11. Has he talk about the relationship?

When a man wants to fix a problem, he usually tries to dig deep and understand the issues at hand.  If you ever find your ex wanting to go back and talk about what went wrong … and listen to your view and get you to understand his, then he wants you back.  He wouldn’t bother you with this type of conversation when he’s over you.  He only does this because he wants to make things work between you.  While women might want to talk about these things just to be heard (for closure), it isn’t the same with men.  They reach out this way for one purpose – to try to fix things because he still has feelings for you.

RELATED: Your ONE SHOT at Getting Back with your Ex

12. Has he told you he still loves you?

Of course, this is the most obvious sign.  Men are usually straightforward when it comes to their feelings for their women.  They understand clarity is the best way to communicate.  If he truly feels this way about you, he won’t be able to hide it for long.  He will eventually open up to you about it.  Although, it may not happen right away because he will need some time to work things out between you… but in time, he will tell you what he feels about you.

Final Thought:

These 12 signs laid out before you stem from the 3 fundamental foundations that make up a healthy relationship.  They are love, trust, and respect.  Overall, if he shows you he has these qualities and you decide you want him back, there’s a good chance things could work out again.  

Take the Quiz

FIND OUT (accurately) if you have a chance of getting your ex back. There are 10 short questions that engage your thoughts on your partner and yourself. Take the quiz and see what your next move should be.

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