5 Things That Turn Men Off to Relationships

By Jennifer Jk. MD.

Have you ever dated a man who first looked at you as if you were the only woman in his world?  In the very beginning of a relationship, it looks and feels so magical.  Nobody has ever treated you like the way he did…but before you know it, his flame seemed to have vanished into thin air.

It can be pretty frustrating and puzzling when everything seems okay with a new guy, and suddenly, you are all alone in the journey without knowing what just turned him off. To most of us, this is common but the pain of watching his flame extinguish isn’t. It’s painful and confusing. 

Here is an important note:  Don’t ever think it’s because you are unlovable and unworthy as a woman… that’s simply not true.

You may have the best intentions, but you are not fully aware of the subtle things that turn him off.  So. it’s not about your best intentions.  It’s something else. 

Let’s look at the 5 reasons why men get turned off to have a relationship. 


1. Agenda Robs You  

When you are running a long-distance race, your ultimate goal is to get to the finish line; so naturally, you channel your focus and energy into pursuing that goal. When “relationship” becomes a target of that goal, then everything you say and do will be in pursuit of that goal.  Since your goal is attaining a relationship rather than focusing on connecting and growing with that person one day at a time, you will not be able to be your true self.

The process of relationship is supposed to be about becoming familiar with one another. It’s time to discover the answers to questions like, do we have chemistry? Are we enjoying one another? Are we compatible? Can I trust him? 

It makes it impossible to enjoy someone who has an agenda. There is a sense of feeling that people get when someone is trying to get something out of you.  It produces pressure and causes you to be somewhat guarded around them.  

A big side effect of such an agenda is this: You are anxious and nervous because you feel you have a lot at stake. Therefore, the real part of you is being robbed. It’s not only destructive to yourself and unattractive to a man, but you are also cheating yourself out of the exciting and romantic stage of your relationship.

It should be fun getting to know someone new and spending time learning new things about him. Rushing things because of an agenda kills the attraction and ultimately the relationship itself. 

So enjoy the ride and take in all of the exhilaration and high that this stage gives you.  Don’t make it a race to getting some end goal.  Be present and open… here and now.

2. Don’t Try Too Hard

Do you want to know what turns a man off more than anything? Try too hard to make him happy.  Sure it’s natural you’d want to make the guy you are dating happy, but when you give him the impression that you are desperate, needy and insecure, it’s a turnoff.  So, let’s not bend over backward to please him because it only sends him a bad vibe in his mind and he will deflect from you. 

In a relationship, all men desire to feel “wanted” BEFORE “needed”.  If you put needing him first, that just boils down to your expectation for him to respond in a certain way, or you won’t feel ok. When he doesn’t respond to your text or pick up… or doesn’t compliment you or become an official couple, you feel drowned. 

This is important. If the only thing you look forward to lately is waiting for his response or contact, that’s a red flag. You need to fine-tune your priorities immediately.

In good relationship happiness and trust is something YOU bring into. You have heard that being too available all the time isn’t advisable in a relationship, but that’s only because that exposes one being too needy and desperate for his approval. When you have a healthy mindset, being too available and meeting as often as you can isn’t always bad.  We’ve seen a few couples who were too available for one other from the get-go and ended up getting married.

It comes down to your mindset and proper view that dictate attractive behaviors.

3. Don’t Be Dishonest

There is nothing more exhausting to a man than an untruthful woman. As we know, trust is the core essence of a relationship. A man with a right mind will run the other way if you’re dishonest and seem deceitful. So don’t be dishonest with who you are, your intentions, and what you want. 

Don’t tell him things he wants to hear when you don’t really believe in it. 

Don’t pretend to be someone you are not.

Don’t go with the flow when you know it’s wrong, even if you know that will displease him at the moment.

In time, we know the truth always creeps out.  What will you then? 

RELATED: If you want to learn more about why men lose interest, read this article.

4. Be Emotionally Open

This relates to honesty. Though it may seem like something that would make you sound needy and desperate, it’s actually endearing.

Tell him how you feel. 

Don’t put your feelings on a back burner and be passive-aggressive. We are women and showing vulnerability is what makes us beautiful and desirable. But, this is the one thing we’re all terrified of! For some of us, this is nearly impossible… but you have to go there if you are looking for a meaningful and deep relationship. 

What truly turns of men is desperation and emotionally hollow women who solely depend on a man to fill them up with happiness and a sense of worth. Be a woman who asserts emotions and needs truthfully and honestly.  Be endearing. 

 5. Self-Centered

If you are self-centered, your supposed endearing “emotional openness” will backfire you so fast, you won’t know what hit you. 

Yes, we all have a tendency to selfishness… I know I do. If we ever want a long term relationship to work, this is one battle we all need to be aggressively fighting – “It’s all about me!”

Questions to reflect on:

Do you talk too much?  Do you brag and boast more than you should?  Are you obsessed with your own needs and wants? 

All of these are huge turn-offs for men.

Many of us women are guilty of being obsessive over our own wants and needs. It’s not that you shouldn’t have wants or needs. But in a relationship, it goes both ways. The battle is, your effort to see beyond yourself so you can connect with your partner.  Healthy relationships are about giving and sharing.  You put any self-centered person in the equation, the relationship becomes toxic. 

Final Thought:

Once you believe that your happiness and self-worth is NOT dependant on having a relationship, you are ready to pursue a healthy and confident relationship.

Learn More

Why men lose interest and what you can do about it. Watch the following video where one of our relationship experts James Bauer exposes common mistakes women make and reveals 7 special phrases that help trigger a man’s burning desire to devote himself to a woman. It’s something you can learn once and use for the rest of your life.

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